Life at 40

There’s a new view from the wrong side of the hill. Yes , the view is changed , but this viewer has not. I do not feel all that far removed from my younger self. In fact , except for a few dysfunctionalities and questionable choices, my early adulthood self would totally hang with me. We would get quite drunk together and dip our toes into all sorts of mischief.
I will admit some of the focus is different. I used to look up and out ; I am now more comfortable to stare straight and maybe slightly to the side. I still have aspirations , but most are aimed at not falling backwards, rather then at rising to ever greater heights.
There is also the gnawing feeling that I have missed some sort of boat that would’ve carried me to an island of meaning. But I do have enough life experience and wisdom to realize that the greenest grass isn’t always the one un-trampled upon.
I have regrets , some of those have recently unfolded in the most dramatic and traumatic event in my otherwise charmed life. I had not expected this outcome , but should have forseen it, As they say , hindsight is 20/20.
Mostly , I see an uptick in life happiness at this stage of my life. Barring another traumatic shock to my existence , I expect further mastery of my volatile emotions, leading to contentment, acceptance and gratitude for this life i’ve been lucky enough to live , and hopefully will continue to do so for at least another 40.

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