Pulled into my driveway this evening. A sudden flash of movement along the ground … It disappears as my approach restricts the visual angle between me and the ground. I open my car door …and L E A N out …. a little …more …..AHA ! A big fat bundle of ring-striped fur runs into my backyard and amazingly zips through a very small , one slat wide gap at the very bottom of my fence. He immediately turns around and stares at me through this hole , his eyes lit bright from my headlights. I whistle at him to startle him. I retrospectively realize that I used a ‘come here boy’ whistle I would use to attract a dog. Luckily , he disregarded the call and jetted.
I back up my car a bit and shine the brights a few times to make sure he’s gone, and then just park right there. I grab the two bags of groceries , shut my door , and walk around the car towards my front door which is just around the bend. I click the remote to lock my car, Beep-Beep and its corresponding double light flash illuminates another set of eyes !!! ANOTHER RACCOON !! My heart does its own double tap beep-beep and I jump back quickly. But this raccoon doesn’t run away from me into the backyard as I expected. It runs towards my front door which is in a nook , invisible to me at this angle and the rest of the area is pitch black anyway. Shit! What to do ?
I beep – beep again , toss my groceries onto the passenger seat , start the car and pull out of the driveway. I considered leaving. Seriously. I considered abandoning my home for a second. Instead , I pull back even further down the driveway at an angle to shine my brights at the front door area. I have a better angle but not quite head on. Still , It doesn’t appear to be there anymore ; though I didn’t actually see it take off. Or did I ? Now my mind is questioning itself. Did a flash of movement register in my peripheral vision but not provide the degree of sensory proof to convince the rest of my mind ?
Screw it. He’s more scared than I am. I was just startled , not scared. I could kick him If I needed to. Yeah…eff that , I could take him ! Self-assured of my manhood, I shut the car off but leave the lights on and groceries in the car. I tentatively creep up my path and peak around to see if he is guarding my front door ……
WHEW!! Not there.
I quickly open the door , run in and turn on the outside lights. I peak out the front door suspiciously. Then in as cool and casual a manner as I could maintain , I saunter back to the car and grab the groceries. I have to admit , as I got back within a few steps of the front door , I sorta quick-skipped it and hopped back into the house and swiftly shut the door behind me.
Maybe I shouldn’t move to the country.
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