Pulled into my driveway this evening.  A sudden flash of movement along the ground … It disappears as my approach restricts the visual angle between me and the ground.  I open my car door   …and    L E A   N  out …. a little …more …..AHA ! A big fat bundle of ring-striped fur runs into my backyard and amazingly zips through a very small , one slat wide gap at the very bottom of my fence.  He immediately turns around and stares at me through this hole , his eyes lit bright from my headlights.  I whistle at him to startle him. I retrospectively realize that I used a ‘come here boy’ whistle I would use to attract a dog.  Luckily , he disregarded the call and jetted.

I back up my car a bit and shine the brights a few times to make sure he’s gone,  and then just park right there.  I grab the two bags of groceries , shut my door , and walk around the car towards my front door which is just around the bend.  I click the remote to lock my car,  Beep-Beep and its corresponding  double light flash  illuminates another set of eyes !!! ANOTHER RACCOON !! My heart does its own double tap beep-beep and I jump back quickly.  But this raccoon doesn’t run away from me into the backyard as I expected.  It runs towards my front door which is in a nook , invisible to me at this angle and the rest of the area is pitch black anyway.  Shit!  What to do ?

I beep – beep again , toss my groceries onto the passenger seat , start the car and pull out of the driveway.  I considered leaving.  Seriously. I considered abandoning my home for a second.  Instead , I pull back even further down the driveway at an angle to shine my brights at the front door area.  I have a better angle but not quite head on. Still , It doesn’t appear to be there anymore ; though I didn’t actually see it take off.  Or did I ? Now my mind is questioning itself.  Did a flash of movement register in my peripheral vision but not provide the degree of sensory proof to convince the rest of my mind ?

Screw it.  He’s more scared than I am.  I was just startled , not scared.  I could kick him If I needed to.  Yeah…eff that , I could take him !  Self-assured of my manhood, I shut the car off but leave the lights on and groceries in the car.  I tentatively creep up my path and peak around to see if he is guarding my front door ……

WHEW!! Not there.

I quickly open the door , run in and turn on the outside lights.  I peak out the front door suspiciously. Then in as cool and casual a manner as I could maintain , I saunter back to the car and grab the groceries.  I have to admit , as I got back within a few steps of the front door , I sorta quick-skipped it and hopped back into the house and swiftly shut the door behind me.

Maybe I shouldn’t move to the country.

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