About Kevin Beary

I have lived and I plan on doing more of it.

Change

Change
Can be ugly
and uncomfortable
The metamorphosis
can be unsightly
and unbearable
Change
Doesn’t happen
In a straight line
But in fits and spurts
and great tangents
And change takes
many avenues
And makes
many wrong turns too
The path is slippery,
and unmarked
The accompanying misery
can tempt one
to turn back
To disembark
But like a wave
moves inexorably forward
gathering all wards
within it wake
Change is scary
But don’t you wait
Push on through
for that next step
Is the bravest thing you’ll do
This is normal
Growth is painful
It aches , it creates
Some thing new and to
some, varied and strange
But all the same
Progress is eventually made
and it starts with
Change

Just one last Journey

I know the dreams im dreaming
are imaginary
I hold a ream of flasks from
an apothecary

Jus’ one sip and then i slowly drift away
Jus’ one blip on a screen,  don’ matter anyway

I feel the feelings of an
overhunted prey
I’ll haunt the haunted with
false memories

I’ve faked it all , faking
every day
Chasing it all , I’ve chased
It all away

Jus’ one last look , before I beg you
Look away
Because this book, has an ending
Oh so grey

Hold no more worries , you’ve worried
enough for me
Jus’ one last journey,  the journey
Of eternity

Sharing Shadows

If I show you my shadow
Will you share with me yours , too ?
We can bond in the darkness
where we learn each others truths

And if I lay myself bare
Will you promise to take Care
And hold no ill-will
For what you may find there

And if I open my heart
show you all of my scars
No matter how fresh and jagged
Will you swear not to depart

Intimacy doesn’t begin to explain
What you and I have to gain
If we can help each other cope
And be each others  hope

I’ll swallow your pain 
And swirl it around my brain
And heal you and shield you
So you don’t feel that again

So please share with me your shadow
And all we’ve discussed
I will free you from woe
In me you can trust.

Masked

Solitude has made me feral
skittish and on edge
Peoples presence heralds
judgement and dread

Cover faces sneer
Sharp intake of breath
Exhaling excess fear
contemplating death

Isolation breeds distortion
and enemies within
reflecting a portion
of negative thinking

Avoidance at all costs
veering from your path
Does it mean its all lost
to outrage and wrath ?

Is all goodwill now in the past ?
Will it return , when we unmask ?

By Kevin Beary

Its for you that I write this

I give voice to the voiceless
as I share all my pain
I bring choice to the choiceless
to continue living

I shine light where its lightless
exposing what’s hidden
I give flight to the flightless
to soar unburdened

I offer love for the loveless
I am here with you too
You have worth, you’re not worthless
’cause we all have value

There can be joy for the joyless
I will help you to find it
There is hope for the hopeless
I am here to remind this

I spend emotional currency for the poor in spirit
By pouring out the pain in me It’s for you , I write it

. By Kevin Beary

Found my Voice Again

It’s been so long but I found my voice again
Hear me roar , watch me soar
on the whipping winds
My minds wings
take me higher and no more dire
thoughts , can shoot me down again.

I’ve been set free, from the cage I’ve built
to imprison me and the rage I’ve felt.
There’s no longer need for this punishment
I no longer believe
my past cruel judgement and sentence served, has been deserved.

So it’s time for me to once again roar
The way I once used to , way before
I let myself beat me down
Kick me around
Cause me to live in fear, but I will fight back
I will persevere.

I’ve been looking for a savior.
Should be looking in the mirror
It’s not upon anyone else
to look after my own health
But I found my voice again
and I will roar , and I will soar
and be my own best friend.

By Kevin Beary

Letter :

Do you remember that time you were happy ?
I am writing to remind you what happened.
The fleeting thoughts , you thought were lost are here in this sappy and sad soliloquy I’ve fashioned

It was years ago …
when the nighttime’s spilled into day ,
when you wouldn’t know
whom next to you lay, when your manic thoughts felt like genius, before she charmed her way between us and burned it all away

Those days you were invincible though you vowed you would die young; Did you anticipate this crucible that crushed those feelings numb?

All those moments when your synapses arced on high , all those moments you would never let pass by , gone now , and your mouth has gone dry, while you wait for your next dose , and watch life pass you by.

The perspective of time muddies as much as it reveals, and wounds fester and distort rather than heal , and what you believe today was definitely swayed from when those memories were made and what rot has since been laid.

So, do you remember that time when you were happy , when that slate was still clean , when your dreams had meaning and a chance to succeed ? Before idealism was ground to a nub , from the constant reality rub ; Do you think you could get there again? I wish you would begin…

… cont’d

Come with me

Come. Lets get LOST
and cross that line
you thought you could never get across
Put your hand in mine, and find
yourself again
Let this be the start , Lets begin
living life for yourself , for your count too
Living for everyone else ; Where does that leave you ?

Its time to be
who you are really
No more need to pretend, I’m here to send
you towards something that feels- just right
no need to fight, I’ve wiped away the appeals
to keep you here.

Put your faith in me and let go of your fears
Regain your identity and
remember who you were before the affairs
of the heart became responsibility
Eventually you will no longer scare
so easily

Did you hope i wouldn’t see your scars ?
Isn’t it better I did , without judgement ?
I know this is hard
and you’re reluctant
but I’m here too , and i’m not giving up on you

How are you supposed to know
you are happy , when no-one’s ever shown
what life is past the
day to day doldrums
‘asking you to hold them
above yourself yet again
Its time for that to end.

Come. Grab me now , hold on
Lets go for a ride
you know you’ve been long-ing
to fly
It’s time to cross that line
Leave this place behind
Don’t look back- with me , you will be fine
Come. Put your hand in mine.

By Kevin Beary

This poem is about you

I don’t show it anymore
coz I forgot how to
But if you weren’t really sure
I do love you

The rawness and the realness
of my feelings are true
the intensity of which
would really surprise you

I maybe be damaged and all , but that has sharpened my awareness
That love is most important of all , and I no longer am careless
and this heart that’s been ravaged, loves stronger and more savage
I feel it in my core , and I love fiercer for it all the more

For so long now , I’ve been in a cocoon
A prison I’ve built , I hide in this womb
and though it gets lonely, I don’t bear it alone
because my thoughts are with all of you
and this you should have known

Forgive my inability and clumsiness of expression
The poor delivery , really doesn’t lessen
the caring,
that doesn’t show itself in every day dealings
but when I’m alone with my thoughts of you
my heart overflows with such feelings

Our interactions in my head , I can anticipate
Our conversations and closeness , you would appreciate
I only know of one way to express this truth
and its in my mind , when I am with you

When you’re always looking for something
that you no longer have , you lose sight
of the things that you do

And if you think this poem is about you
You’re not being vain. It is…true.

By Kevin Beary

The Good Days

I still catch glimpses,slight glances
of better days
I still think this – might pass if
I concentrate

It takes but a stray thought , a speculation
of a misery
And I’m thrown off – of any elation
within memory

Life is loss ,life is suffering
Must remind myself
When I’m lost, that’s not everything
‘Tis just a mindset

But sometimes the span of time
Between the lines
Of when you felt high , of when you feel fine
Seems so far behind

Need to remember , need a reminder
There are good days
And till then ya – should be kinder
To your memories

There is always hope, for healing
of the wounds
Just need to roll , until feeling
good resumes

By Kevin Beary

The Spiral

It’s hard to let go of the suffering
when its the most familiar friend
When I let my mind go wandering
it always comes back with him.
I used to be able to shake myself loose
There was a time I could more easily refuse
to be dragged down again

But I’m afraid this time , I may find that I

Dug too deep a hole , and the sides are caving in
Can’t get out the way I used to; the paths worn thin
Don’t know if demons are real
But I do know how they feel
and they’re inside this hole within

If you could read my mind
your eyes would fill with tears
and you might suffocate
from breathing in my fears
You may get crushed by the weight
of my emotional debris

Looking through the eyes of the broken
you can finally see

How intensely uncomfortable, it can be,to be me
To walk in my shoes, is like walking in glue
and why bother , when there’s no purpose or
place to be

Don’t know if demons are real
but we do know how they feel
if you understood this completely

By Kevin Beary –

Its all up to you

Comfortability is a cage that you must
Break free from
Fear is a deceitful enemy ; Don’t believe
the lies,
Hate is the heaviest burden to carry ,
let it go
Forgiveness is a selfish act ; Forgive
and be free.
Love is not fear of loneliness , that’s codependence
Love yourself
Hope is a most loving companion, love it back
and never be alone again.

By Kevin Beary

The Attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes gratitude has an attitude.
It doesn’t appreciate attempts to ameliorate
the circumstances of happenstance,
that landed us here , abandoned us near
to happiness ; but closer to the uneasiness
that invades our thoughts : makes us distraught,
and blinds recognition of our fortunate situation.
So instead we dwell , lost in the trivial.
And we know it’s wrong, but we tend to prolong
the negative perceptions – affecting reflection.

It takes devotion to invoke positive emotion;
To feel contentment instead of resentment
and avoid reluctance to reach acceptance
of our conditions, instead of wishing
for other fortunes , or another’s portion
of life’s blessings – because of poorly accessing
the wondrous abundance already in possession.
Don’t take for granted your great advantage
of knowing these truths , as I’ve stressed them to you;
To actively improve, the attitude of gratitude.

By Kevin Beary

Keep Knocking

I’m Knocking on the door of a new day
Out of breath, from the last one – ran away
But tomorrow , I vow to not lay waste 
to the landscape of my mind ; I defaced 

For that was yesterday 
And I’m at the door of a new day

Need to keep betting on myself to shine
For its up to me to control my mind 
And not let it again slip into despair 
’cause there is still time for me to repair

The regrets from the yesterdays 
And open the door to the new days

Today’s heated problems are hardest to solve
Be drawn through the fire – tempered resolve
For most of these are just temporary 
can be diluted by time , don’t worry

Clear it out , allow good things to make way
’cause you’re so close to that door of a new day

For there will always be another smile 
The wait – it will always be worthwhile 
And you will always have another laugh
And for that short while let it wipe the past

For you are at the dawn of a new day
Let it be the start of a new way 

Just keep knocking on that door – Keep banging at that door 

By Kevin Beary

Thoughts

Thoughts
like knives, pierce my heart, slash my mind
tearing me open, forever to remind
of the sharpest thought of all;
The permanence of
Never Again.
Slays me over
and over
again
How to begin ?

The hardest part of it all
is finding meaning in my fall
You must find yourself, they say
All you need to do, is go and find your way
for life is beatiful , and this I agree
but its always someone else’s – beauty
Theres none left for me
Seen from the eyes of the beaten
it all just looks grey

Going throught the motions, without any emotion
numb within and without
does it matter, where i am now ?
Wherever here is, there is no doubt
i’m lost in my head with no way out
Its just easier to stay away
Don’t really have much to say,
when nothing changes
it’s just another day…

Thoughts
like daggers,cut so deep, rips my soul
tearing me, never to be whole
destined from the start;
To live with a
Broken Heart
This slays me over
and over
again
When will it end ?