About Kevin Beary

I have lived and I plan on doing more of it.

The Attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes gratitude has an attitude.
It doesn’t appreciate attempts to ameliorate
the circumstances of happenstance,
that landed us here , abandoned us near
to happiness ; but closer to the uneasiness
that invades our thoughts : makes us distraught,
and blinds recognition of our fortunate situation.
So instead we dwell , lost in the trivial.
And we know it’s wrong, but we tend to prolong
the negative perceptions – affecting reflection.

It takes devotion to invoke positive emotion;
To feel contentment instead of resentment
and avoid reluctance to reach acceptance
of our conditions, instead of wishing
for other fortunes , or another’s portion
of life’s blessings – because of poorly accessing
the wondrous abundance already in possession.
Don’t take for granted your great advantage
of knowing these truths , as I’ve stressed them to you;
To actively improve, the attitude of gratitude.

By Kevin Beary

Keep Knocking

I’m Knocking on the door of a new day
Out of breath, from the last one – ran away
But tomorrow , I vow to not lay waste 
to the landscape of my mind ; I defaced 

For that was yesterday 
And I’m at the door of a new day

Need to keep betting on myself to shine
For its up to me to control my mind 
And not let it again slip into despair 
’cause there is still time for me to repair

The regrets from the yesterdays 
And open the door to the new days

Today’s heated problems are hardest to solve
Be drawn through the fire – tempered resolve
For most of these are just temporary 
can be diluted by time , don’t worry

Clear it out , allow good things to make way
’cause you’re so close to that door of a new day

For there will always be another smile 
The wait – it will always be worthwhile 
And you will always have another laugh
And for that short while let it wipe the past

For you are at the dawn of a new day
Let it be the start of a new way 

Just keep knocking on that door – Keep banging at that door 

By Kevin Beary

Thoughts

Thoughts
like knives, pierce my heart, slash my mind
tearing me open, forever to remind
of the sharpest thought of all;
The permanence of
Never Again.
Slays me over
and over
again
How to begin ?

The hardest part of it all
is finding meaning in my fall
You must find yourself, they say
All you need to do, is go and find your way
for life is beatiful , and this I agree
but its always someone else’s – beauty
Theres none left for me
Seen from the eyes of the beaten
it all just looks grey

Going throught the motions, without any emotion
numb within and without
does it matter, where i am now ?
Wherever here is, there is no doubt
i’m lost in my head with no way out
Its just easier to stay away
Don’t really have much to say,
when nothing changes
it’s just another day…

Thoughts
like daggers,cut so deep, rips my soul
tearing me, never to be whole
destined from the start;
To live with a
Broken Heart
This slays me over
and over
again
When will it end ?

Reach Out ?

They always say , why didn’t they
reach out ? But reach out to who?
Reach out to you ?
And burden with what? Theres always a glut
of responsibility to bear
Who has shoulders to spare ? And who’s got the time ? There’s few who could ever find.
And how long since you’ve talked?
We often have to chalk
it up to life getting in the way; Hasn’t it been a dogs age ?
And how uncomfortable is it to stay :To make that small talk , to get to the real thoughts , share some real things and get to some meaning.
And you don’t want to be that one; that person whom is always glum.
No , “Everything is great.”
We lie ’cause we cant say it.
Its impossible to share. How do you express despair ?
How do you show whats numb ? Few see where your coming from.
And then how do you relate with someone that never ached ? At least not like you in your mind , ones mental health cant be defined, and if you really try to share , all you really do is scare , and you don’t want to hurt no more, no one ,
not them , not you , so that makes it more a chore , than reaching out is worth, and anyway, it rarely ever works.
Who’s got answers to things you cant describe ? What help can anyone really provide ?
So you white-knuckle it again, so you don’t burden a friend
so you don’t extinguish another’s light , and add guilt to your night – thoughts , where you get lost
and hope the next new day washes away
the pain. So you never have to reach out again

By Kevin Beary

Look

Look. She stares at the mirror , her nose and eyes all red, with the events of the evening swimming in her head.
She wipes her tears , remembering what was said:

How many more times must we fight this fight ? How many more times must you insist you’re right?
Can’t you just listen and try to relate , Instead of feeling like you should escalate ?

I’m trying to talk , to get you to listen , and all you can do is react and threaten.
My words fill up the space between us
When closer , they were… meant to bring us

Do you truly wish to push me away ? Because that’s what will happen to us one day,
and don’t you even dare
to say
you didn’t see it coming , it was there
for all to see.

There was a time when I came first
but now I feel like I am the worst
thing that happened to you, like I’m a curse
A burden you must bear , one you no longer care
to keep …
I dream at night while you sleep
as my mind wanders I often weep
dreaming of a time when I knew you were mine
And wasn’t forced to question , was privy to your intentions,
and there was an air of love that floated me above all the cares of the world, because I was your girl.

But those days are gone , those feelings lost
you never realized how much it cost
when you ground me down , when you simply shut off.
We never talked ’cause we could never talk,and now I feel like I must walk.
And when I say goodbye , you will act like
you don’t know why, but the signs were there , if you just cared
to Look.

Sweet Sorrow

Some say sorrow is sweet
Sweeter than the sublime
Intimately discreet
this sadness is all mine
 
Sadness sings of joy passed
Embrace the truth in full
for sorrow never lasts
and without – life is dull
 
The truth that sorrow sows
a field of quaint despair
Seductive sadness grows
in me and my affair
 
An addict of sadness,
I’ll seek again tomorrow
wearing my madness – like
a silken shroud of sorrow
 
I’ll hide the day away
dressed in such attire
Comfortable I’ll stay
Alone. Deeply mired
 
Solitarily sad , Deliriously mad
Sweet sorrow , sweet sorrow – be glad
 
One must have lived and loved
to have sadness so deep
cause only a loss of
such – cause sorrow to creep
 
I sing these notes of woe
I’m lost in my lament
but I treat as hallow
my sorrows innocence
 
Sorrow heralds healing
just like a trumpet blast
Get lost in this feeling
few others will surpass
 
Sorrow digs out the well
so deep within ones soul,
to allow joy to fill
and one again feel whole
 
Sadness lengthens the day
in sleep , dreams will follow
that would cause one to say,
“Cherish your sad tomorrow!”
 
Tomorrow , Tomorrow , be sad
Sweet Sorrow , Sweet Sorrow – be Glad

By Kevin Beary

The Change you Make

See , it’s not all doom and gloom and heartache
There are countless paths that you can take
If Change you want , its Your life to remake
If you’ve been sleeping , its time to awake
That drive you once had, that thirst to slake
You can have it again , no need to fake
Do it now ! Before it becomes too late
Before keeping up the illusion becomes too much to take
And the walls that protected you begin to break
Make it real, to your core , inviolate
Its’ all up to you so don’t hesitate
Take your life in your hands, make it great
No more head in the sand, its time to create
A new world as whole , not resigned to Fate
Because if its Change you want
Change you must Make.

By Kevin Beary

The Struggle Within

How do you slow your thoughts , when they are racing to take you ?
Try not to obsess , but the same thoughts berate you
Another bitter caress , from a mind that just hates you
As you try to suppress , feelings that deflate you

But all there is , is me .. in my head , a bully
All there is , is me … a tyrant , who cruelly
kicks the shit out of me –  a sadist , truly.

But If I’m there too , how do i not know ?
Why don’t I realize the damage I sow ?
Why don’t I care , about the havoc I wreak ?
Why won’t I stand up ; Why don’t I speak ?
I stick up for others , why won’t i stick up for me ? .

I need cleansing, from this stain inside me
cant be behaving like this pain defines me
if I let it all out , I’m afraid it will finally
dissipate the illusion , of my functioning highly

But all there is , is me , fighting this bully
All there is , is me , enduring gracefully
I must protect me , from myself, absolutely

Because its all up to me , to love myself truly.

By Kevin Beary

The Down Days

This pain i feel ,like my whole world is dying
cold sweat , like my whole body is crying

my emotions are seeping through my pores
the conflictions in me are actively at war

I cant differentiate which grief is which
I cant turn it off , i cant find  the switch

I regret the regrets i foresee I’ll feel
when time moves on and changes the deal

when i tally the follies and every poor choice
While the whole world goes by and seems to rejoice

I mourn for what’s past and what hasn’t been
why i don’t know , but I’ll do it again

these feelings seem to affect beyond reason
cant follow thru with anything to completion

So here I remain , stagnant and stunted
This life i chose , i feel like I’ve punted

Is it far too late to change ?
can I let go of my fear ?
how far from safe can i range ?
I’ll never know , Staying Here.

Bye-  Kevin Beary

Breathe (draft)

-exhale 123 123 now breathe
and do it again , and do it again-And as I wrap my head around these thoughts

while they flood my mind and I gasp and cough

I can feel the hollow your presence left

when you de-parted and  I was bereft

of a once fulfilling kindred spirit

–breathe and stretch and stretch and breathe
and breathe and stretch and stretch and breathe-

So here I sit and think and meditate

the light of a new life to contemplate

It pours into me while I slowly stretch

and reach that void and fold into its flesh

my own soul, and my will, to my last breath

-breath out the bad breathe in the good
and breath out the bad breathe in the good-

For there is no one to love as one could

if you don’t love yourself first, as you should

There is no worst foe than your own head

where all those self-inflected  wounds are bred

and your angst, and fear, and self doubt is fed

-exhale 123 123 now breathe
and do it again , and do it again-

Comfort of the Deep

As you sail the sea
towards a vague destination
and despite the speed
it feels like stagnation

Cross the water – choppy
The wind passes , quickly
the distances don’t change
forever constant they range

I now understand the pull….
the draw of the ocean
as the wind massages
and evokes strong emotion

There’s a comfort drawn from the deep
darkness
It calls upon your soul
a comforting caress

Just a quick step , a hop , a hurdle

The lady of the ocean is very fertile

as she breeds both life and death

for she can take one’s last breath

The blush of the red sunset
the light it casts
the mood of it
as it breaks the horizon
as it descends
past sight and in silence
the black ocean ascends
greeting you with a cool kiss
as another wave licks
the air beneath your face
and you feel your heart race
and you hear the call of the sea

It’s calling to me
It’s calling to Me

By Kevin Beary

A Night in the Wood

The forest fresh , a sniff
The wispy breeze  , a whiff
The nights’ mistress , a glowing witness
to an eve,  in the wooden abyss

The tent lay upon the ground , hard and sound
The sleeping bag and pack , strewn around
Another night, with just the moonlight
flitting amongst the trees ,
messing with your sight

Peering in the dark , Black …. what is that, peering back !?

A reflective light ? Playing on your eyesight ?

Slowly squeeze and squint your eyes
faint and fine …. barely see the outline

Don’t move a muscle …. Shhhhhh…. Do you hear that rustle ?

Pop your ears , Ahhhhhh … now what do you hear ?

A hissssssss  , so slight you almost missed it
Slowly turn , all fear resisted
Dont move too fast , easy .. stomach queasy
Dont start nor jump , feel your heart pump

There’s something there , growwllll …. You feel your hair
stand on end , this is a nightmare

Though your minds volcanic , there is no time to panic
You must slowwww your thoughts …  This fear you fought
can erupt, and your will – corrupt

Remain steadfast , as time slows past
no sight or sound , ‘cept your temple pound

Ba dum .. Bad um .. ba Doom
Ba dum .. Bad um .. ba Doom

Snap ! Crack … its on the attack
Run ! Run .. scramble and run
Pound the ground , footfalls sound
Crash ! Smash .. thru the brush
Crunch , a bunch of leaves , crushed
Clip , Clop , don’t dare stop
Snap ! Crack.. and don’t ever look back

You should never look back
You can never look back

You will never look back.

By Kevin Beary

Hello, goodbye.

There are some times, and at times, someone
that makes you feel like you finally won
the chance at happiness
and the race is done

We are all aware that life is not fair
but one can hope we find somewhere
we can hold as home and
be safe from despair

But its not to be , between you and me
and as much as i hate to be cliché
its not because of you
but because of me

There’s no pain I know worse than no pain at all
when all is numb and you’re in free fall
to the bottom of your soul
with darkness , your wall

My shortcomings caused me to come up short
That wall I built was not enough to support
your attempt to climb
as a last resort

I hold in my head what I hold in my heart
as I over-analyze and replay the part
where I wear out my welcome
when I break us apart

I fear what I’ll feel when i feel what I fear
that crushing guilt of leaving you here
to explain to our friends
and all those who care

I await the weight of these words I say
Will it crush us ; will we still be ok
with all that’s gone on
when we lost our way ?

I told you I’d hold you close and near
to my heart and soul, for many a long year
and I am so sorry
I failed you, my dear.

By Kevin Beary