I just can’t shake this shitty feeling these last few days. It has manifested physically , I feel waves of it , It starts as pressure at the backs of my eyes , as if to cause tears , and then rides down to my chest , tightening it , and sinks into my gut as that pit of stomach empty feeling.
Then some moments go by , and it repeats. My thoughts are black and gloomy, not nearly the upbeat optimism and enthusiasm that I have exuded for months now.
I think its fear and anger , self loathing , regret and pessimism. It has sapped my energy. I want to blame somebody , but I think its my own head creating this for me.
I’m gonna give it a good talking to , I think. I am going to force myself to do something active , to distract myself. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I am in control , I guide my destiny and happiness. Snap the fuck out of it , Kevin.
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