I just can’t shake this shitty feeling these last few days.  It has manifested physically , I feel waves of it , It starts as pressure at the backs of my eyes , as if to cause tears , and then rides down to my chest , tightening it , and sinks into my gut as that pit of stomach empty feeling.

Then some moments go by , and it repeats.  My thoughts are black and gloomy, not nearly the upbeat optimism and enthusiasm that I have exuded for months now.
I think its fear and anger , self loathing , regret and pessimism.    It has sapped my energy.  I  want to blame somebody , but I think its my own head creating this for me.

I’m gonna give it a good talking to , I think.  I am going to force myself to do something active , to distract myself.  I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I am in control , I guide my destiny and happiness.  Snap the fuck out of it , Kevin.

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