The Struggle Within

How do you slow your thoughts , when they are racing to take you ?
Try not to obsess , but the same thoughts berate you
Another bitter caress , from a mind that just hates you
As you try to suppress , feelings that deflate you

But all there is , is me .. in my head , a bully
All there is , is me … a tyrant , who cruelly
kicks the shit out of me –  a sadist , truly.

But If I’m there too , how do i not know ?
Why don’t I realize the damage I sow ?
Why don’t I care , about the havoc I wreak ?
Why won’t I stand up ; Why don’t I speak ?
I stick up for others , why won’t i stick up for me ? .

I need cleansing, from this stain inside me
cant be behaving like this pain defines me
if I let it all out , I’m afraid it will finally
dissipate the illusion , of my functioning highly

But all there is , is me , fighting this bully
All there is , is me , enduring gracefully
I must protect me , from myself, absolutely

Because its all up to me , to love myself truly.

By Kevin Beary