Look. She stares at the mirror , her nose and eyes all red, with the events of the evening swimming in her head.
She wipes her tears , remembering what was said:

How many more times must we fight this fight ? How many more times must you insist you’re right?
Can’t you just listen and try to relate , Instead of feeling like you should escalate ?

I’m trying to talk , to get you to listen , and all you can do is react and threaten.
My words fill up the space between us
When closer , they were… meant to bring us

Do you truly wish to push me away ? Because that’s what will happen to us one day,
and don’t you even dare
to say
you didn’t see it coming , it was there
for all to see.

There was a time when I came first
but now I feel like I am the worst
thing that happened to you, like I’m a curse
A burden you must bear , one you no longer care
to keep …
I dream at night while you sleep
as my mind wanders I often weep
dreaming of a time when I knew you were mine
And wasn’t forced to question , was privy to your intentions,
and there was an air of love that floated me above all the cares of the world, because I was your girl.

But those days are gone , those feelings lost
you never realized how much it cost
when you ground me down , when you simply shut off.
We never talked ’cause we could never talk,and now I feel like I must walk.
And when I say goodbye , you will act like
you don’t know why, but the signs were there , if you just cared
to Look.

Sweet Sorrow

Some say sorrow is sweet
Sweeter than the sublime
Intimately discreet
this sadness is all mine
Sadness sings of joy passed
Embrace the truth in full
for sorrow never lasts
and without – life is dull
The truth that sorrow sows
a field of quaint despair
Seductive sadness grows
in me and my affair
An addict of sadness,
I’ll seek again tomorrow
wearing my madness – like
a silken shroud of sorrow
I’ll hide the day away
dressed in such attire
Comfortable I’ll stay
Alone. Deeply mired
Solitarily sad , Deliriously mad
Sweet sorrow , sweet sorrow – be glad
One must have lived and loved
to have sadness so deep
cause only a loss of
such – cause sorrow to creep
I sing these notes of woe
I’m lost in my lament
but I treat as hallow
my sorrows innocence
Sorrow heralds healing
just like a trumpet blast
Get lost in this feeling
few others will surpass
Sorrow digs out the well
so deep within ones soul,
to allow joy to fill
and one again feel whole
Sadness lengthens the day
in sleep , dreams will follow
that would cause one to say,
“Cherish your sad tomorrow!”
Tomorrow , Tomorrow , be sad
Sweet Sorrow , Sweet Sorrow – be Glad

By Kevin Beary

The Change you Make

See , it’s not all doom and gloom and heartache
There are countless paths that you can take
If Change you want , its Your life to remake
If you’ve been sleeping , its time to awake
That drive you once had, that thirst to slake
You can have it again , no need to fake
Do it now ! Before it becomes too late
Before keeping up the illusion becomes too much to take
And the walls that protected you begin to break
Make it real, to your core , inviolate
Its’ all up to you so don’t hesitate
Take your life in your hands, make it great
No more head in the sand, its time to create
A new world as whole , not resigned to Fate
Because if its Change you want
Change you must Make.

By Kevin Beary

The Struggle Within

How do you slow your thoughts , when they are racing to take you ?
Try not to obsess , but the same thoughts berate you
Another bitter caress , from a mind that just hates you
As you try to suppress , feelings that deflate you

But all there is , is me .. in my head , a bully
All there is , is me … a tyrant , who cruelly
kicks the shit out of me –  a sadist , truly.

But If I’m there too , how do i not know ?
Why don’t I realize the damage I sow ?
Why don’t I care , about the havoc I wreak ?
Why won’t I stand up ; Why don’t I speak ?
I stick up for others , why won’t i stick up for me ? .

I need cleansing, from this stain inside me
cant be behaving like this pain defines me
if I let it all out , I’m afraid it will finally
dissipate the illusion , of my functioning highly

But all there is , is me , fighting this bully
All there is , is me , enduring gracefully
I must protect me , from myself, absolutely

Because its all up to me , to love myself truly.

By Kevin Beary

The Down Days

This pain i feel ,like my whole world is dying
cold sweat , like my whole body is crying

My emotions are seeping through my pores
the conflictions in me are actively at war

I cant differentiate which grief is which
I cant turn it off , I can’t find the switch

I regret the regrets I foresee I’ll feel
when time moves on and changes the deal

When I tally the follies and every poor choice
While the whole world goes by and seems to rejoice

I mourn for what’s passed and what hasn’t been
Why? I don’t know , but I’ll do it again

These feelings seem to affect beyond reason
can’t follow thru with anything to completion

So here I remain , stagnant and stunted
This life I chose , I feel like I’ve punted

Is it far too late to change ?
Can I let go of my fear ?
How far from safe can i range ?
I’ll never know , Staying Here.

Bye-  Kevin Beary

Breathe (draft)

-exhale 123 123 now breathe
and do it again , and do it again-And as I wrap my head around these thoughts

while they flood my mind and I gasp and cough

I can feel the hollow your presence left

when you de-parted and  I was bereft

of a once fulfilling kindred spirit

–breathe and stretch and stretch and breathe
and breathe and stretch and stretch and breathe-

So here I sit and think and meditate

the light of a new life to contemplate

It pours into me while I slowly stretch

and reach that void and fold into its flesh

my own soul, and my will, to my last breath

-breath out the bad breathe in the good
and breath out the bad breathe in the good-

For there is no one to love as one could

if you don’t love yourself first, as you should

There is no worst foe than your own head

where all those self-inflected  wounds are bred

and your angst, and fear, and self doubt is fed

-exhale 123 123 now breathe
and do it again , and do it again-

Comfort of the Deep

As you sail the sea
towards a vague destination
and despite the speed
it feels like stagnation

Cross the water – choppy
The wind passes , quickly
the distances don’t change
forever constant they range

I now understand the pull….
the draw of the ocean
as the wind massages
and evokes strong emotion

There’s a comfort drawn from the deep
It calls upon your soul
a comforting caress

Just a quick step , a hop , a hurdle

The lady of the ocean is very fertile

as she breeds both life and death

for she can take one’s last breath

The blush of the red sunset
the light it casts
the mood of it
as it breaks the horizon
as it descends
past sight and in silence
the black ocean ascends
greeting you with a cool kiss
as another wave licks
the air beneath your face
and you feel your heart race
and you hear the call of the sea

It’s calling to me
It’s calling to Me

By Kevin Beary

A Night in the Wood

The forest fresh , a sniff
The wispy breeze  , a whiff
The nights’ mistress , a glowing witness
to an eve,  in the wooden abyss

The tent lay upon the ground , hard and sound
The sleeping bag and pack , strewn around
Another night, with just the moonlight
flitting amongst the trees ,
messing with your sight

Peering in the dark , Black …. what is that, peering back !?

A reflective light ? Playing on your eyesight ?

Slowly squeeze and squint your eyes
faint and fine …. barely see the outline

Don’t move a muscle …. Shhhhhh…. Do you hear that rustle ?

Pop your ears , Ahhhhhh … now what do you hear ?

A hissssssss  , so slight you almost missed it
Slowly turn , all fear resisted
Dont move too fast , easy .. stomach queasy
Dont start nor jump , feel your heart pump

There’s something there , growwllll …. You feel your hair
stand on end , this is a nightmare

Though your minds volcanic , there is no time to panic
You must slowwww your thoughts …  This fear you fought
can erupt, and your will – corrupt

Remain steadfast , as time slows past
no sight or sound , ‘cept your temple pound

Ba dum .. Bad um .. ba Doom
Ba dum .. Bad um .. ba Doom

Snap ! Crack … its on the attack
Run ! Run .. scramble and run
Pound the ground , footfalls sound
Crash ! Smash .. thru the brush
Crunch , a bunch of leaves , crushed
Clip , Clop , don’t dare stop
Snap ! Crack.. and don’t ever look back

You should never look back
You can never look back

You will never look back.

By Kevin Beary

Hello, goodbye.

There are some times, and at times, someone
that makes you feel like you finally won
the chance at happiness
and the race is done

We are all aware that life is not fair
but one can hope we find somewhere
we can hold as home and
be safe from despair

But its not to be , between you and me
and as much as i hate to be cliché
its not because of you
but because of me

There’s no pain I know worse than no pain at all
when all is numb and you’re in free fall
to the bottom of your soul
with darkness , your wall

My shortcomings caused me to come up short
That wall I built was not enough to support
your attempt to climb
as a last resort

I hold in my head what I hold in my heart
as I over-analyze and replay the part
where I wear out my welcome
when I break us apart

I fear what I’ll feel when i feel what I fear
that crushing guilt of leaving you here
to explain to our friends
and all those who care

I await the weight of these words I say
Will it crush us ; will we still be ok
with all that’s gone on
when we lost our way ?

I told you I’d hold you close and near
to my heart and soul, for many a long year
and I am so sorry
I failed you, my dear.

By Kevin Beary

Chasing The Sun

Though you truly know me not
so these feelings i have fought
but you became my brightest light
one smile from you, sets me aflight

It began with you
I swear, it’s true
and soon you will be told
when I feel I can be bold
and tell you

So now here I come
I feel I’m chasing the sun
My love of life has just begun
I’d like to share with you

Thoughts of you,  hottest at night
burns me in my dreams
singes at my seams
this lovers blight , this lovers flight
of fancy

but when you dream by day
your eyes see clearly
not drugged by the night
sanity hath touch my heart dearly
like you

If i could, id extend the day
to get you to stay
and fill my world
as endless hours with you

My heart is in my throat
so this poem , for you I wrote
My breath you stole away
I long for just one day
with you

Tis true , it’s you , that I adore
and I will shout it evermore
For you are truly my brightest light
And I will no longer hold back, in fright

By Kevin Beary

Slave to the womb

What did you feel when you saw those adoring eyes
looking back at you , expectant , dependent

and then the tearful cries

It must be a state of helplessness
when you should feel joy ,

but just feel distress

It must cut deep , when you expect

contentment , but feel resentment

A slave to the womb and society

Not your choice , not really

It was just a mistake , wasn’t meant to be

it could have went so differently

Who is in trouble now ,  Is it me
no it’s you – because of me

hard to hide that hostility

Thank you for my cold heart
it protects me from pain
Thank you for my independence

I’ll do it myself again

Thank you for your disappointment
it pushes me , makes me fight
Thank you for your frustration

its provided me special insight

Where were we then , a little wander
from the road –  pulled me harder

did you wish i went farther

Was never held , no time that i can see

not one picture , not one with me

The chasm was never traversed , the side(s)

they never touched , gap was much too wide

There was a time , i believe .. a turning

maybe , was just the last gasp of yearning

it must have been a brief twist of the mind
it wasn’t truly real

the struggle wasn’t mine

How do you think i felt , when i saw your sad eyes
looking back at me , hoping that i would fight

to protect you from his lies

Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts , oh negative thoughts
they’re grinding me , blinding me
distorting my reality

Giving up ain’t always a conscious decision
and when the solution’s
more painful then the situation
-its easy to run
When the truth of yourself is known to no one

When getting up is a chore and filled with dread
Sweating your mouth dry and clutching the bed
Make it all disappear ,
Fake it all ’til your clear
Exorcise all your demons
before dealing with your fellow humans
How many masks must we wear
to get through the day ?
Its why the lonely seek solitude
and run away

You know your low when your comfort zone
has shrunk to points unknown
When every day happenings fall outside its scope
When all that your feeling is some negative trope

When you got old without growing up;
you chased the dream , but had to give up
And you don’t have the tools to make the transition
and you find yourself constantly wishing
you can go back without this depression
you’ve paid enough for this lesson

Negative thoughts , oh negative thougts
They’re grinding me , blinding me
Distorting my reality

A happy grunge song by Kevin Beary


When you think of me do u cry , do u try
to truly remember what it was like , when it was right ?
do u catch yourself when you recall what was wrong , its been so long and we’re gone and its gone
coz that what i do , when i’m thinking of you
and i dwell and i dwell and i relive my hell.
tripping over memories in my head , that i thought were dead, after all that’s been done and all that’s been said.

caught between wishing for what we had, and embracing where ive been lead and made my bed , well i’ve made my bed.
its been an interesting journey as i sweep up the ashes , and tend to the lashes and deal with my crashes.

well the scars of the heart are symbols of battles fought. the tougher that skin , the more battles u were in, and are about to begin
the lonely wind blows time past , what i thought would last, just could never last. Do you feel that blast ; That cold breath of life gone past ?

I scream whyyy !! when things don’t go my way , and today’s another day , i’ve got that same thing to say. And try as i might, i fight every night , to take that next step , to let in new light. But just when u think u r close , they pull away and leave u there to sway.

So much baggage is gathered , and it matters when it splatters all that is new. The chances are few, as time will chew on you ; And then my past , which is you, continues to screw with all i run into. Its not always them , sometimes its you.

When they talk with me , and they try, and they pry
to truly understand what makes me tick , what makes me pick , the things i say quick.
And though i sigh , i do try to let them inside, but then i hide and i hide and rarely confide.
There is a truth i can share , but i don’t dare. i protect it with such care, its not fair coz they cant compare.

These little slices – have made me weak

Steal away , run away with me
We don’t need to wait for the light
Quick , before we change our minds

We have this night , this moment in time
Lets make a memory
That won’t get stale in the retelling

My protections are imaginary
Cut me deep , make me mortal
Do it quickly ‘fore I lose my nerve

Save me now, for this moment
I am yours if you catch me right here
We can live our lives in these small moments

The sun is coming up
Rising too quickly – shearing the shadows
Where I bared my soul