I Mourn – A poetic collage

I mourn the memories in my head , I mourn the love that now is dead
I mourn for all the could have beens , I mourn all the unfulfilled dreams
I mourn my pillar that crumbled away , I mourn the words I didn’t say
I mourn the past that didn’t last , I mourn our tomorrow that won’t pass

There is no word strong enough to express my grief
There is no meter soft enough to provide relief
There is no rhyme clever enough to make you believe
There is no amount of words that aren’t too brief

I was always afraid to feel
Now I feel so acutely , I’m tearing apart with it.
I feel it in waves and it drowns me in its sorrow
My tears aren’t hot enough to express my grief
Should my skin boil and sear , I would feel relief

This sadness weighs me down
this mail of anguish sags my shoulders
Tennysons` crown of sorrow is no solace
Memories of joyous days only increases my misery

The warm flood of loving remembrances,
Those moments of ecstatic sharing’s ; There are no words tender enough to describe.
I mourn the time that passed away
Uneventfully
Unappreciated
Its in these mundane moments that we live and love

This is my final tribute , my last goodbye and I feel it so intensely
It makes all my perceived pains and woes of my past , so insignificant.
The small everyday trials , that once engrossed me
are swept aside like soft ash

My common sufferers !! We bond together !
There is no agent of joy that can bind so strongly. I call to you!
Love is as timeless as it is transient
and no ones grief is as great as ones own.
But we all love and we all grieve together.

The healing balm of time is an exhausting and tedious relief
yet time may eventually dull the edges of this sharp pain
But I do not long for complete comfort , it is this feeling that reminds me that I am alive.
I may weep and sob
I may wail and ache

But I Mourn and I Live !

By Kevin Beary –

Reprint from old blog Dec 2010

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

A Spring of Hope

The red blush yawns its way across the sky

the grey pall of winter sweats itself blue-

cold blood meanders in muddy valleys

and watery arteries line the land

 

the warm breeze , sweet and heavy, smells of hope

though this surpasses truth , here we await

the infancy of spring teases the brutes

dreaming of the coming of the season

 

the inexhaustible earth awakens

with unending vigor, shakes itself clean

dispatched of the past , once more it begins

renewed and alive , its new skin shines bright

 

the effervescent mist of the season

soaks and coats the limbs , both beast and flora

this refresh of the land cleanses our hearts

and re-creation of the world begins

KB

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

Once Upon a Time

Lucas stares in horror as the soldiers drag the young woman from her home. He’s just a low ranked medic and has little sway in how the war is conducted. He can simply tremble in both fear and rage as he witnesses atrocity after atrocity. He leans against a stone wall , feeling dizzy with emotion. His normally smooth brown complexion is flushed red with blood and he feels it pounding his temples. For a second, he considers physically confronting these soldiers, who are beginning to rape the young woman. Her simple peasant dress is pulled up over her head and wrapped around her arms, effectively pinning her to the dirty ground. Her legs are thrust apart and she’s kicking the air futilely. They are slapping her and beating her, and one after the other, defile her. 

 

—–
It was only a few minutes ago that Lucas was cleaning and binding a grunt’s wound when he saw that a group of soldiers had chased some of the enemy into their home. The soldiers were pounding on the door and yelling at the men to come out so they may have their way with them. They were like an angry mob. Suddenly the door opened slightly and a young scared woman was pushed out the door. She fell to the ground in front of the men. Shrieking, she scrambled in mortal fear , scratching across the hot earth on all fours and then franticly banged on the door to be let back in. Trapped , the young woman shrank into a ball and stuffed herself into a corner of the doorway. The men laughed at her and slapped each others backs in celebratory anticipation of what was to come.

Lucas , feeling impotent, headed back to camp. “There is nothing that can be done,” he thought. The General condoned this type of treatment of an enemy. The” ‘Spoils of War’,” he called it. Lucas could only mourn for the young woman, as women who had been raped were considered ruined and worthless, and were typically slaughtered. Only the virgins were saved. Lucas , a child of rape himself , knew only too well how horribly women were treated. His mother was forced to marry the man that raped her. This was a direct order from the General Himself. Lucas grew up in a household where violence was commonplace , his mother receiving the brunt of it. There were countless times he would sneak his mother a cold compress to apply to a split lip or a swollen eye. It was then, as a child , that Lucas swore he would never inflict pain on others and would seek to protect the helpless.

The war has been going on for years and General Adonai was not known for holding back against the enemy. He would release a pestilence upon them if it helped his cause. His soldiers believe him to be mighty and awesome , and feared him ; which was his intent. He had annihilated whole cities simply because they did not recognize his power. This was a common offense , as the many tribes of this region were often loyal to their local generals. In fact most only knew their own leaders and the history of their own peoples. These histories were passed down generation after generation in oral stories and poems. The General would not allow his people to intermingle in any way with the conquered . He had his corporals give great speeches explaining how he did not want his nation to be corrupted by these other peoples’ cultures. He did not want any intermingling of blood and would not allow any intermarriage. He would never make any treaty with them and demanded that our soldiers show the enemy no mercy.

Over the years , Lucas taught himself the discipline of healing so he could relieve suffering. He was becoming a competent physician, but once he was of fighting age, he was conscripted to General Adonai’s army. Refusing to fight , he received many beatings. One day, after such a beating , he dragged himself into the large tent that housed many of the lower soldiers – the weak or infirm. He was observed , by an officer of rank , attending to the other soldiers instead of going to his bed. Most of these men have received some sort of attention from him already. He rechecked bandages , poured olive oil on vicious wounds , or applied the appropriate fruit leaves. The officer recommended him to become the army medic. He no longer had to fight.

Lucas tended the soldiers as per his station , but late at night , he would sneak out into whatever village they were occupying, and attempt to help the abundant sick and injured there. Most of his patients were women or children since most of the men were killed or slaughtered by the General. He would sneak in supplies and clean water and linens for the villagers when he could. One day he even delivered a baby. He gave the woman a special tea he made that would help dull her pain. It wasn’t enough to fully comfort the mother who screamed and cursed while pushing out her child. “I wish women didn’t have to go through such painful childbirth,” Thought Lucas , “What a curse!”

Out of uniform The villagers and the soldiers looked quite similar , as if they were related ; which if you go back a few generations , they were. But you can differentiate them by the missing lobe on the left ear of the soldiers. General Adonai demanded this of his fighting men. Lucas tugged at his ear absentmindedly , a habit he developed , since it was he that currently did the majority of lobe-otomies. Previous men that performed this service took great pride in it, believing they were following the Generals will and that the men were better for it. They were also rough about it. Hard men were quickly brought to tears when a portion of their ear was hacked off by these zealots. “At least we weren’t forced to mutilate an important part of the body,” thought Lucas. He wasn’t happy that he was made to do this , but he knew how to perform the incision precisely, so as not to cause pain. He took the time to apply the herbs necessary for quick healing.

The General had many such rules and demands of his people. Lucas found it amazing that the people were attracted to this life and revered the General with so much zealousness. After all , he micro-managed so much of their life : from their diet, to their dress , to their home life rituals. He demanded absolute cleanliness and ritual cleanings and would cast ‘unclean’ people out. The unclean included women who were considered such during their monthly time of menstruation. “Did he not understand that this was a natural physical process that was necessary for reproduction ?” thought Lucas. He was also very severe in his treatment of his soldiers. If a squad failed to assemble before him for roll call , he would send out elite soldiers to kill them and their families , sparing no one , except of course the virgins. He had quite an obsession with virgins. It was his opinion that the tribes of other nations were not worthy of his land. He ruthlessly moved his armies across the land , wiping out whole peoples. He would burn their altars , chop down their sacred trees , smash their homes to rubble and utterly destroy any remnants of their society.

Occasionally the General didn’t utterly wipe out a city he took in battle. If a city was far from the nation , he would first offer them a peaceful surrender , contingent on them opening  the gates without a fight. Then he would subject them to forced labor and the servitude.  Leaving them to the merices of the people he would leave behind to populate the city. Lucas was in such a city when General Adonai was leading a regiment through the city square, inspecting his new land. Lucas was anesthetizing a slave’s wound with wine, when suddenly rotten pomegranates from the sky began splattering the drab green uniforms of the soldiers. Lucas jumped up to see what was going on. Apparently some of the children , hiding behind wagons or behind their primitive dwellings, were unleashing their impromptu weapons upon the army. Adonai cursed the children and unleashed a pack of vicious army dogs upon them. The dogs ripped the screaming children apart as well as anyone who tried to help them. When the screaming was over, all you heard was the growling and barks of the dogs as they fought over the various body parts. That and the intermittent wailing of the distraught parents. It happened so quickly, Lucas was powerless to help. He could only seethe and curse this General whose ways were so incomprehensible to him. “How does the General rationalize this evil ?” Lucas thought. He claims to have his peoples’ best interest at heart. He considers himself righteous in these actions.

The General wasn’t the only vicious man in the army. There was corporal Sampson. A large ape of a man who was reputed to be a great drunk and a gambler. Lucas , had always avoided him as Sampson had little respect for Lucas’ profession. His attitude was that if you weren’t a fighter , you weren’t a real man. He was always further trying to prove his manhood by attempting relations with every woman who crossed his path. But his great vice was games of chance. One day he was gambling with some of the soldiers and lost everything he had and more. He couldn’t pay his debts so he beseeched the General for help. He was sent into the next village with a small regiment of men. They attacked , killed and robbed the villagers. He returned with his plunder and was able to pay off his debts. Afterwards , Lucas snuck into the town , hoping to find some survivors and nurse them back to health. He was too late. Sobbing , Lucas vowed to find a way to leave the Generals army . He swore he would tell anyone that sought to follow the General about the atrocities the General represented. He would convince such a person that they didn’t need to adopt these ways , and were better off living their life for their own sake. Lucas knew that he wasn’t strong enough to oppose the General and his army physically , but he could reject them absolutely , and live a life of humane morality. He would use his skills to bring good to this world. He did not need rules of conduct to know how to live his life righteously.

Draft II and Outline – Part I

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

This Day

This Day marks time , the beginning
Though it has founded the end
This day ends the craziness
This day, peace sets in

This day slows the hurry
that the week brings on
This day calms the worry
your mind lingers upon

This day brings me grace
and the tranquil moments there
It shines light upon my face
with others, I can share

This day brings me restfulness
Like the one from long ago
This day fills my heart with Bliss
It cleanses my very soul

Some use this day for prayer, some comb the troubles from their hair
Some people really just don’t care ; My feelings I will share.
Its on this day my pain subsides , I hear no more anxious cries
I can ignore the daily lies , and concentrate on this sunrise.

SUNDAY

By Kevin Beary

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

Take it Slow

Baby , We can take it slow
No need to rush you know
Don’t want to let you go
but I’m not ready to commit now

You know I’ve been hurt before
Don’t think I can love no more
what I need now , is a friend
til the end , and baby that’s you.

Someday maybe, your wish’ll come true &
I’ll be able to say I love you too
But now those words feel cold inside
from those words I try to hide
But if there’s a girl , and there’s very few
who could change my ways , it would be you

Please don’t take it personally
its not because of you ,but because of me
I need you girl , I cannot lie
but I just can’t be chained by your side

Didn’t try to lead you on
Didn’t want to hurt you
My feelings for you are strong
But not enough to please you

Baby we can take it slow
No need to rush , ya know
Don’t want to let you go
But I’m not ready to commit now

Just take me as I am now

KB

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

I got into a cooking mood and made a Veggie Pasta Salad

Started with a whole wheat pasta.

I tossed everything in my refrigerator in it semi-indiscriminately

Yummy

Click to enlarge

Fresh-
Green onions
Red onions
Orange Pepper
Cherry Tomatoes cut in half
Cucumber

Steamed Fresh –
Broccoli
Carrots

Canned –

Mushrooms
Artichoke hearts
Green olives

Sun dried tomato

Olive oil and Apple Cider vinegar
Lemon Juice
Tuscany Blend Dip Starter – ie; rosemary, basil, bell pepper, parsley, chili flakes, aji pepper, lemon & lime zest, coriander, cumin, oregano, thyme
Fresh Cilantro

Feta Cheese

= ONE BIG ASS BOWL OF SALAD – Like a weeks worth. This is the Base.

    Spoon out a bowlful and ADD

Sunflower and Pumpkin Seed
or Chickpeas
Or Dried Cranberries and Cut up Apple
Or Mix in a Can of Tuna / Shrimp / Salmon with a bit of plain greek yogurt
Or grilled chicken (though it would be a shame to ruin a perfectly meatless dinner/lunch)

I went the seed route for my first bowl coz I had no chickpeas on hand (thought I did L )
Anyway , Killer Stuff …. Yaay me.

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

THE girl.

I accompany her to the party…

I doubt I could describe her beauty better than my physical reaction to her presence. I radiate an excited , perspiring glow when around her. My nervous smile twitches back and forth from sheer joy to awkwardly apologetic. I can feel the blood boiling in my ears , and hope it isn’t running down my face for all to see. I find myself constantly maneuvering to find a reason to touch her. I brush her hand as I pass her a glass of wine , or give her a soft conspiratorial shoulder cupping while I agree to something she says. I also tease myself by guiding her – arm around her back but not touching – from room to room.

Though she is maybe 5 foot-nothing , I am quite frightened of her. Its more likely that I am so fearful of losing her favor in any way , that I tread carefully in all that I do in her presence. My congeniality to others increase tenfold as I attempt to match her angelic demeanor with a gregarious and open personality that I over-aggressively share with all. While we mingle , I find myself taking short quick breaths, as if anticipating a verbal competition that I must meet successfully.

When she enters a room , eyes turn… always. She coolly acts as if she is unaware. But when engaged , she is as warm as apple pie. She takes all compliments lightly but accepts them all the same. Her laugh always sounds sincere , and she turns all conversations back to the other participant. She then listens intently , her brightly intelligent eyes showing understanding and good will. When she tires of a conversation , she will end it with a touch of some kind , whether it be man or woman. Her disengagement is always full of beaming smiles from all parties. While she works the room , I blunder along behind her, in a feverish passion to be equally as wonderful. Her shine hides any of my mistakes or missteps, causing me to be treated similarly. I’m unused to such positive attention , but I do everything I can to act as if it is the most natural thing in the world.

When I picked her up , she was standing in her doorway swaying slightly with the breeze. She was looking up at the sky , or the trees , admiring nature. For a moment I stopped to take her all in………………………

‘ A simple sky-blue dress clings to her full hips and upturned breasts , whispering peace and plenty and pleasure. Her golden hair is mostly in an up-do , exposing her tender neck as a beautiful canvas for some long curls hanging promiscuously. She’s wearing light rope earrings that dangle from dainty and achingly kissable ears. Her heels curve her calves nicely, inviting your eyes to follow them up her body. Our eyes meet , hers deep and blue and full of mystery. She smiles at me , a full and sincere gorgeous smile , that causes one cute dimple to appear on her cheek.’

She is the most heart-breakingly beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

….

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

A Tragedy

I cannot begin to comprehend the pain the affected families are feeling.  Reading all the reactions from the horrified citizens of our country literally has me in tears tonight.  I hope those poor families come to know that they don’t grieve alone.

It is encouraging to see the stark contrast between the few sick maniacs of this world and the world-wide community at large. Our society is grieved by tragedies like these and Angry at the growing number of horrific events that should not be , especially in a supposedly enlightened age as ours.

Twitter and other social media are abuzz, and inevitably some posts and discussions have turned political. There are many angry responses to some whom posted political opinions , in response to this situation, during this time of mourning. Too soon ? I don’t know, isn’t that what politics really is. A system to allow individuals in a society to relate to one another. I find it extremely appropriate to express themselves in that way , whether I/we agree with the individual opinions , or not. Parents and the childless alike , we are all absolutely united in denouncing horrors like these , and are all empathetic to the victims and their families.

I hope we can someday come to a consensus on how to fairly relate to each other and protect each other, in this fragile existence of ours.

“ANY DONATIONS MADE TO NEWTOWN YOUTH AND FAMILY SERVICES WILL BE DONATED DIRECTLY TO THOSE EFFECTED BY THE SANDY HOOK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SHOOTING.”

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

The Willow in the Winds

The Willow in the Winds

I see the soul of the weeping willow , so strong , so noble
Yet a sad affectation in its sloped bearing.
Its beautiful and gentle , and vulnerable all the same.
Its roots grow out widely , so thirsty is its soul
so deep its fount
so swelled with life water that none can compare to its capacities.

I am blessed to share this unquenchable fount
Your fount, sweet love , It fills me and
my shallow pond
so desperately relies on you to fill me
with what you so naturally possess
and that which I can only acquire from you.

I don’t mean to drink so heartily from you
but you can withstand it , I know
I need you , you have saved me , I owe you all
You have such a capacity for love and to fill me with it
and you do so – nobly , so gently , selflessly.
This leaves you vulnerable , your easing of my thirst.
But your fount seems boundless.
You are of magnificence and grace , as a willows soul .

Whistling through the wood , the wind-whipped rain pelts the land
As the wind whips, the willow wails , weeping its worth upon the earth.

 

Kevin Beary – 2009ish 

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

Righteous Rant

I loathe the unscrupulous and common
Detestable is the hipocracy of the righteous
Repugnant is the idleness of the lazy
and vile are the tresspasses of the lying

I deplore the simple and close-minded
Insidious are the movements of the fanatic
Impeachable are the offenses of the selfish
and malicious are the acts of the vengeful

I respect the mind of the curious
Admirable is the restraint of the patient
Noble is the nature of the humble
and saintly are the deeds of the generous

I revere the beauty of the innocent
Exemplary are the acts of the truthful
Angelic is the behavior of the just
and wondrous are the feats of the industrious

3/2005 – Reprint from http://kasualkafe.com/poetry.htm

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

A fleeting feeling, I hope

I just can’t shake this shitty feeling these last few days.  It has manifested physically , I feel waves of it , It starts as pressure at the backs of my eyes , as if to cause tears , and then rides down to my chest , tightening it , and sinks into my gut as that pit of stomach empty feeling.

Then some moments go by , and it repeats.  My thoughts are black and gloomy, not nearly the upbeat optimism and enthusiasm that I have exuded for months now.
I think its fear and anger , self loathing , regret and pessimism.    It has sapped my energy.  I  want to blame somebody , but I think its my own head creating this for me.

I’m gonna give it a good talking to , I think.  I am going to force myself to do something active , to distract myself.  I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I am in control , I guide my destiny and happiness.  Snap the fuck out of it , Kevin.

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

Can’t feel you

I walk in your room , but everything’s gone , and I can’t feel you any more –

You used to say , there was no joy but me , but I don’t hear you anymore

There was a time , I couldn’t escape , but now I search for you in vain

But its too late , you walked away , and I won’ t see you any more

And now !! I ache. my tears …can’t wash away this pain
Your fears , won’t let you come back again

So now !! You’re gone , re-gret , is all that I have left
So sad , we used to have so much more

There was a time when we were so close , but I can’t read your thoughts from here

Life can be hard , yet together /we/ were strong , and I can’t bear it on my own

But I am afraid , these memories’ll fade , and I won’t feel you anymore

I am afraid , these memories’ll fade , and I can’t feel you anymore

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

31 years old , with new baby – Fighting Cancer

Derick , My employee and friend is fighting for his life.  He and his wife just had a beautiful baby girl  named Victoria.  The cancer he has is extremely painful.  He is currently undergoing chemotherapy which we all know makes one feel very sick.  Despite his trials , he is more concerned about feeding his family. Read more about his story

EverRibbon | Derick Lee’s Cancer Treatment Fund

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

Sickness 2012

It began with a few sinus headaches on 4/5th and 6th and evolved into the flu from that Saturday on. I was tricked into believing that I was getting better by Wednesday , as I broke the fever and the aches and pains were much less severe. I even dragged ass into work for a few hours , but as I was getting to leave , I started getting the chills and that ‘my hair hurts’ feeling was coming on quick. The next few days , back on the couch. I watched a lot of star trek re-runs on netflix. By friday the 13th , the aches and pains went away , fevers were intermittent , but I developed a cough. A dry , raspy and unproductive cough. I lost my voice , my throat was raw , and I couldn’t sleep. I pulled all the muscles in my back from coughing , and every cough shook my head which felt like someone stabbing me with a migraine for those few moments, then having it subside to a dull ache ….then Cough !!! Arrgghhjh…my head …..my throat …. my aching back. Sucking down cough medicine and living on cough drops , RICOLAH !!!! I survived the week , barely.

I broke down and went to doctor on Saturday. It was quite an effort , as I was feeling quite crappy and weak. I have been eating intermittently throughout the week. Sometimes hungry , and sometimes not at all. The doctor listened to my chest , said it was clear. Gave me an antibiotic for the sinus infection (assumed) and the cough medicine with codeine , that just knocks your ass out. They sent me on my way. I went into work despite no changes , and no voice. In fact , just the thought of speaking or having to respond to a speaker sent me into a painful coughing fit. I went in , kinda shut my door , and did emails and paperwork etc; I lasted a few hours , felt like I caught up a bit , and resolved to go back the next day.

That evening , while laying around watching TV , I somehow TWEAKED the tendon above my knee. I wasn’t even doing anything. It may have been a Hard laying around , considering my tenacity in doing so , but I can’t imagine how I screwed up my knee. It was Bad. I couldn’t bend it without shrieking. I could slowly , inch by painful inch , pull the knee closer , to deal with a sitting position , and reverse it to stand up or straighten it out. Good times. That night , between my cough , my screwed up hours of the past weeks sleeping , and my Effin Leg, I was unable to sleep , at all. I started panicking around 4 ish …. I texted Kyle at some point between 4-6ish Am to let him know , I wasn’t coming. I have to go to Dr for my knee. Whatever infection or virus , must’ve gotten into my knee. I currently have a friend/employee going through a painful and scary bone cancer with his knee/leg. Thats probably what I have , Cancer of the knee.

I go to dr , they x-ray my leg. Tell me there is no infection (I didn’t bring up cancer) and that it is simply an overuse sports injury. OVERUSE. I haven’t used the damn thing other than to pee , or shift positions during my hard – laying – around episodes. I still have no voice , so my angry reactions came out as heated whispers , followed by a frustrating coughing fit. She sees no issues with my sickness , going on my word that I probably had the flu and it devolved into a cough / infection and I should be good to go with both my knee and my sickness by weeks end.

I drag into work a few hours here and there. I was asked my itinerary on a daily basis , so I felt obligated to come in. Its not like I had cancer of the knee or anything. We can forgive our afflicted friend for not making it to work , he has some serious things going on. By friday night , I was a mess. Fevers , uncontrollable coughing that left me incapacitated. I had to meditate in a supine position in order to calm myself down from coughing and catch my breath. I felt like I wasn’t going to make it through the night , around 4 am , I finally fall asleep. Saturday the 21st , two weeks and a few days after I first felt sick , I went to a different doctor. I was having a hard time catching my breath , and feeling dizzy. They x-rayed my chest and OH MY EFFIN GOD! You have a Nasty case of pneumonia , thick solid patch on upper right lung , and splotches throughout both lobes. Not good. They gave me my x-rays and sent me to the hospital. I did a quick pit stop home , for a shower , grab a few things , and clean underwear , just in case they kept me. They kept me.

I was admitted and they began IV antibiotics and fluids , breathing treatments ,and they put me on 24/7 oxygen. I looked forward to the multiple times daily blood letting , where they test my blood. I especially enjoyed the young useless moron , whom was tasked with taking arterial blood , to get an accurate blood/O2 reading. He poked me in 3 different sites. Each time he was incredibly accurate in finding the surrounding nerves and poking the shit out of them, sending shooting spasmic pain down the arm to my fingers , and back up halfway to my neck. He eventually gave up and passed the baton ( it was really a needle , not a baton) to an older more experienced nurse who banged it out quick , with only the uncomfortable , unfun , but survivable pinch.

The rest of the extremely long and uneventful week was spent being woken up every few hours for blood pressure/temperature/and blood 02 tests. My hours , still screwed up , had me up til at least 2 am every night , playing words with friends with my midnight princess and texting anyone still up about my docile adventures. They would come in at 4am and WAKE YOU UP , to stick an effin thermometer in my ear. They were also intent on knowing when and how often I peed and pooped. It made sense to count the intake/outake of my liquids but no one nurse/aid consistently followed through. There were so many missed accountings that It became silly and useless to make pretend to bother. I made shit up. LOL. Literally , Yeah I had 7 bowel movements and peed once. Some questioned me , some wrote it down. I lost interest.

I had met so many doctors / nurses / aides that I stopped caring about the questions they were asking because the next one would ask the same , oblivious to the record. The division of labor was a bit extreme. The nurse played with the IV and drugs , the aide listened to my lungs and brought me water , Respiratory came in and gave me the 10 minute breathing treatment. Dietary brought in the food. Ambulatory carted me around to various tests. Xray did xrays , Scan did CT scan , Housekeeping , well they kept house. Two separate doctors , one focused on physical lung/breathing issues , and the other to deal with the drugs relating to lung issues.
At one point I was dealing with DR. Epidemic , who transferred me into an isolation room because they suspected possible TB , despite my explanation of not having the definitive symptoms , nor was I among any high risk groups or activities. Dr. Crisis , apologized on behalf of Dr. Epidemic a few days later , releasing my gang of caretakers from their mandated adornment of masks , gloves , and coats anytime they opened my door.
I will say , all in all , I was well taken care of , but there are definitely some management issues in the health care industry.

I was let in Saturday and finally released on Friday the 27th , 3pm. I wanted to leave the night before as I felt I could recuperate at home. I was losing my mind all day Friday to be let out. I was still out of breath after a brisk walk down hall way , and coughed anytime someone tried to speak to me , but I was off the 02 and switched to pill antibiotics for 24 hours. I was ready to go home.
Well that’s my story. I still am sick , but I am recovering. One good thing to come from this is that I lost 12lbs , Once I get my breath back , I’ll get back to the gym and my hiking and keep it off.

Let the world know ...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on TumblrDigg thisShare on StumbleUponPin on PinterestEmail this to someone